How do I plan for the future if I don’t Know if I will have one?

This last year and a half after having a heart attack, was spent waiting for a diagnosis. My biggest dilemma was, “How do I plan for the future when I don’t know if I will have one”?

Over this time, I was blessed to see a few different psychologists and they helped me to find my own answers. I feel that it may be different for each individual person, and I hope this helps you to find some positive ways of finding your own answer should you be in this situation.

Some of the questions I wondered about were, “Will I be able to return to my job”? “Will I be able to support my children”? What will happen if I end up in the hospital again”? “What happens if my husband leaves? “How am I going to stay healthy when I can’t do anything”?

My first counselor asked me if I would consider being ok with trusting that the universe will provide me with all the answers I need when I need them? It seemed like a great concept however at that time I was not able to do that. Worrying only made life worse, it increased symptoms, added stress to my family and never solved anything!! Yet, I was worrying often!!

Each doctor I would see, told me what they thought was wrong with me. The results were very different, ranging from, I could die tomorrow from a heart attack to I was ok and nothing was wrong with me.

Planning became very important to me and gave me hope for each day to have a little sunshine. I started small and by asking my doctor what I could and could not do. In the beginning, I was only able to walk half way around the block. The things I could do were, stand outside in the sunshine, play in the sandbox with my son, build lego with my son, write, interview people over skype, draw, write letters and cook.

Each day I planned my day to be as regular as I could. I would wake up, get dressed, cook and eat breakfast, brush my teeth and get the kids off to school. Some days, I needed a nap after that!!

I planned activities with my son, lego, coloring, painting, washing dishes together and watching movies.

I planned time alone, writing, meeting with my counselor, physiotherapist, working on my DBT workbooks, reading, listening to podcasts,  meeting with support groups,  and sitting in nature.

My husband and I spent time talking, watching movies, cuddling.

Once I started to feel a bit better I could do more, walk farther, stay awake longer and I started a podcast interviewing people who had recovered from illness, injury or trauma and went on to inspire and help others.

This podcast gave me hope that I would get through it and find out what was wrong with me. The guests shared tips about how they recovered and how to find the right doctors. They told me it is ok to feel fear, but not to let that fear keep me locked up inside forever.

The looming threat of dying was always there but I kept reminding myself that we will all die one day, it is just a matter of when. The quality of each day became more and more important to me. I learned that the time I spend with the people I love, if I was able to help at least one person each day, if I was able to feel happy and share that with someone, what type of Mom I was, how much I gave to my husband all mattered more than how many years I would be alive for.

COACHING

Coaching has always been important to me and I have been blessed to have some amazing coaches. There are podcasting coaches, blogging coaches, life coaches, business coaches and many more I am sure.

The one thing that was missing for me was that everyone does 1 thing well and I felt like they didn’t see me. I kept asking, “Who connects all the pieces together”?  They were great at telling me what I could do to make money, or help people, or heal but no one could put it all together.

I wanted to talk about my fears, what I could do when I was so tired, when I was sick,  how to be ok with the unknown, what to do when it felt there was nothing I could do!!

I would like to share the people who really did help me. Being sick meant losing many things, such as my full paycheck, my home, some of my family, my vehicle and that meant that I didn’t have the means to invest in a long-term coach.

All of these people provide a huge amount of content for free and I am very grateful.

Paul Colaianni was asked a question that caught my attention! He was on the show and has a podcast, The Overwhelmed Brain,  that shares some great information.

How can one remain calm and confident when everything goes wrong?

I try to focus on what I can do and visualize my heart healing. I picture myself running again and find gratitude in everything I can in the moment.

Eternal Leadership with John Ramstead

John shared his inspiring story and it is a miracle he is still alive. To this day he has limitations, and you can be sure, they have not stopped him from creating an incredible coaching business and co-hosting a podcast.

John offers a free ebook, called Discover Your Core Values,  that really caught my attention. Many coaches will ask you to write down your core values, but John asks you to find out your core values. There is a big difference since the second method seems to be more accurate than choosing them off a list.

Recently I joined Nate Ridgeways’ tribe called, Life Tribe. He delivered a talk about setting goals that are made from values. Since I am just learning, and still a student, I am not going to try and explain it in detail, but I will share the part that really has me fired up!!

Most goals fail because they are not set by us ourselves and they are not in alignment with our values. By taking the time to figure out our values, we can set goals and be much more fulfilled reaching them.

I encourage you to read up on finding your values. There are some that believe sickness can come from not taking care of ourselves and being out of alignment with our values. THIS IS WHERE IT ALL COMES TOGETHER FOR ME!!!

While we are unable to join the world in going to work, doing the day-to-day activities, we can use this time to read, meditate, find our values, observe if we are living our life in alignment with our values, make decisions about how we want things to be from this point forward.

Thought

With a lot of time laying in bed or sitting on the couch one’s mind can wander. This was incredibly difficult for me at first and I spent many hours talking to councilors about my thoughts.

I wanted to share a few of my favorite books/recordings that really helped me to change my thoughts. This is something I felt I could do!! Changing thoughts can take time and be a lot of work yet the changes can bring so many rewards. As my thinking changed, my health also began to improve.

Earl Nightingale, The Stranges Secret

“The human mind is much like a farmer’s land. The land gives the farmer a choice. He may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn’t care what is planted. It’s up to the farmer to make the decision. The mind, like the land, will return what you plant, but it doesn’t care what you plant. If the farmer plants two seeds — one a seed of corn, the other nightshade, a deadly poison, waters and takes care of the land, what will happen? Remember, the land doesn’t care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn. So up come the two plants — one corn, one poison as it’s written in the Bible, “As ye sow, so shall ye reap.” The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn’t care what we plant … success … or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal … or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety, and so on. But what we plant it must return to us.

Napolean Hill, Think and Grow Rich

“Set your mind on a definite goal and observe how quickly the world stands aside to let you pass.”
― Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.”
― Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

Jame Allen,  As A Man Thinketh

A man’s mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth.

I am happy to share the coaches, therapists and psychologists that were part of my healing team if you are in need on one. Please send me an email or find the facebook support group Every Day Is a Second Chance Support Group for more details!